im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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