wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
