After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
