in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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