i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
