Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
