I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
