He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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