i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
