You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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