This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
