Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
