good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
