my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
