I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
