i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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