So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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