I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
