How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
