I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
