I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
