I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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