Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
