Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
