positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
