Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
