The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
