I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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