She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
