Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
