Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
