You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
