Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
