Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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