I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
