omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
