I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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