yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
