How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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