Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
