if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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