He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
