He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
