It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
