Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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