Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
