i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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