he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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