Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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