farters have to be the big spoon...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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