I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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