omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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