Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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