Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
