hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
