she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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